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what being misgendered feels like
Jan. 6th, 2019 09:45 pmImagine your name is Diana. That name has significance to you, and it's important to you that your name is Diana, not Diane. Diane is a perfectly good thing to be, but it's not what you are, and you really feel you deserve to be called by your correct name.
If someone reads/hears/remembers it wrong and calls you Diane at first, you're careful to set the record straight politely. "It's Diana, actually." As you get to know new people, they will sometimes slip up and say "Diane," and you might correct them, or it might be more trouble than it's worth in context.
If a friend, coworker, teacher, peer, or family member calls you Diane sometimes, it can feel anywhere from mildly annoying to somewhat cutting, depending. If they do it most or all the time, despite your reminders, you might feel like they are not interested in really recognizing who you are as a person. And oh boy, are you getting tired of hearing "I'm SO sorry, it's just hard you see, I originally learned your name as Diane, and my cousin's name is Diane, so it just rolls off the tongue that way..."
Now imagine you meet someone, they call you Diane, and you tell them "oh, actually it's Diana." Against all reason, that person starts ARGUING with you.
"That's not a real name, it's just a nickname for Diane. I can tell by looking, you're clearly a Diane anyway."
"I promise you, it's Diana, that is my real name."
"Why do you make such a big deal out of this? You can't expect to control what people call you."
"I'd just really like you to use the name that is my name."
"I don't believe your name is Diana. Can I see your driver's license?"
"Well, it's incorrect on my license, there was a typo."
"Why didn't you get it fixed?"
"I haven't had the time or money."
"If your name was really Diana, you would change your ID and wear a name tag. You can't expect people to know your name just by looking at you."
"Look, can you just use my name? My name is Diana. I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"How are you so certain that's your name? Was it always your name? Haven't you ever wondered if you're a Diane after all? You can't expect me to understand if you won't answer all my questions."
...
You get the idea, I think
If someone reads/hears/remembers it wrong and calls you Diane at first, you're careful to set the record straight politely. "It's Diana, actually." As you get to know new people, they will sometimes slip up and say "Diane," and you might correct them, or it might be more trouble than it's worth in context.
If a friend, coworker, teacher, peer, or family member calls you Diane sometimes, it can feel anywhere from mildly annoying to somewhat cutting, depending. If they do it most or all the time, despite your reminders, you might feel like they are not interested in really recognizing who you are as a person. And oh boy, are you getting tired of hearing "I'm SO sorry, it's just hard you see, I originally learned your name as Diane, and my cousin's name is Diane, so it just rolls off the tongue that way..."
Now imagine you meet someone, they call you Diane, and you tell them "oh, actually it's Diana." Against all reason, that person starts ARGUING with you.
"That's not a real name, it's just a nickname for Diane. I can tell by looking, you're clearly a Diane anyway."
"I promise you, it's Diana, that is my real name."
"Why do you make such a big deal out of this? You can't expect to control what people call you."
"I'd just really like you to use the name that is my name."
"I don't believe your name is Diana. Can I see your driver's license?"
"Well, it's incorrect on my license, there was a typo."
"Why didn't you get it fixed?"
"I haven't had the time or money."
"If your name was really Diana, you would change your ID and wear a name tag. You can't expect people to know your name just by looking at you."
"Look, can you just use my name? My name is Diana. I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"How are you so certain that's your name? Was it always your name? Haven't you ever wondered if you're a Diane after all? You can't expect me to understand if you won't answer all my questions."
...
You get the idea, I think
