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Mar. 10th, 2021 04:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
siscealWow, night really sneaks up on me.
I found out this morning that my colleague with whom I work closely and have become good friends, R, is in a nightmare scenario. His husband, E, had a major stroke out of nowhere and is in critical condition. R and E are both very dear to me, as well as our community and it's hitting us all hard.
I was busy all day with working and managing my fatigue but I just bolted awake around 4am with the weirdest reaction. First I was up and walking around before I even connected with any thoughts or feelings. I had the desperate urge to (unclear) and the only thing that sounded right as eating an apple and drinking a big glass of water while sitting in the living room in the dark. A complicated choice, since I've been having muscular dysfunction in my throat, but I managed not to choke on anything and it did feel nice to have something in my stomach. I realized I was heartbroken and terrified.
Came back to bed and tried to fall asleep but I'm too wound up. Trying breathing techniques because I've seen enough of what happens to people's mental health when they don't sleep... Nothing yet. Writing this out seems to be helping, though.
I have this gut feeling that E is not going to survive, and I can't begin to explain how that feels. In a couple of hours I'm going to go for my nature walk and process that way.
Stay safe, everyone, we all need you.
I found out this morning that my colleague with whom I work closely and have become good friends, R, is in a nightmare scenario. His husband, E, had a major stroke out of nowhere and is in critical condition. R and E are both very dear to me, as well as our community and it's hitting us all hard.
I was busy all day with working and managing my fatigue but I just bolted awake around 4am with the weirdest reaction. First I was up and walking around before I even connected with any thoughts or feelings. I had the desperate urge to (unclear) and the only thing that sounded right as eating an apple and drinking a big glass of water while sitting in the living room in the dark. A complicated choice, since I've been having muscular dysfunction in my throat, but I managed not to choke on anything and it did feel nice to have something in my stomach. I realized I was heartbroken and terrified.
Came back to bed and tried to fall asleep but I'm too wound up. Trying breathing techniques because I've seen enough of what happens to people's mental health when they don't sleep... Nothing yet. Writing this out seems to be helping, though.
I have this gut feeling that E is not going to survive, and I can't begin to explain how that feels. In a couple of hours I'm going to go for my nature walk and process that way.
Stay safe, everyone, we all need you.
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Date: 14 Mar 2021 03:02 am (UTC)